Evolutionist Proves Mennonites are Descended from Abes


Scientists at the Friesen Academy of Science, Platz, and Aniseed (FASPA) have uncovered conclusive evidence that proves the evolution of Mennonites from our ancestors the Abes.

“Sometime millions of years ago in the old country, the first Abe stood upright,” said Dr. Friesen. “If you examine the fossil evidence, it’s pretty clear that all Mennonites come from a common ancestor Abe.”

Dr. Friesen has recently completed his magnum opus, a 2000 page book entitled “The Descent of Mennonites,” which documents his findings about ancient Mennonite frintschoft in minute detail.

“We’ve got averybody in here. All the Friesens and Reimers and Platts, too. And all of them go back to the Abes,” said Friesen. “You can even see how the brains get smaller and smaller as you go back to the Abes.”

Despite his meticulous research, some members of the Mennonite community are not accepting Friesen’s theory as fact.

“Oba, that man has all these fossils, but I don’t know how he can tell if it’s an Abe or a Peter or a Jakob yet,” said Mr. Loewen. “I mean for all I know that fossil could be from Mrs. Annie Pankratz. Who knows for sure!”

Friesen says he has carbon dated all his fossils at least back to days of the East and West Reserve.

(photo credit: James St. John/CC)

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