Entire Province of Manitoba Calls in Sick This Morning


After the Winnipeg Jets advanced to the Conference finals for the first time in history, not a single person in the entire province of Manitoba showed up to work this morning.

“There seems to be some kind of flu going around. No one punched the clock today,” said local business owner Peter Wiebe. “Heck, I’m the boss, and even I called in sick this morning.”

Last night, everyone in Manitoba was out at Portage and Main celebrating the victory and were still there this morning when it was time to get to work.

“I called in and told them I had pink eye,” said one Jets fan. “I don’t think the boss believed me, but he understood. You can’t expect anyone to go to work after a game like that.”

The epidemic was so widespread that the province ordered workers in essential services such as public transportation and beer stores to get their asses to work.

“I know you’re all ‘sick’ after that Jets game and I respect that, but we’ve gotta keep the buses and booze going!” said the Manitoba Premier. “Go Jets Go!”

The Premier gave the back-to-work orders via email from his beach resort in Costa Rica.

What Every Mennonite Parent Needs to Know About 'Fortnite'
Ten Thousand Villages Celebrates Ten Thousand Years of Service