The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About The Unger Review
  • Andrew Unger

alcohol

Unger the Influence

Mennonite Man Gives Up Rogers Golden Syrup During Dry January

January 12, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After pressure from his wife Annie to make a few changes, Mr. Herman Groening, 71, of Winkler has decided to abstain from Rogers Golden Syrup for the entire month of January. “I heard […]

Unger the Influence

Hungover Mennonite Woman Insists “It’s Only Covid”

June 22, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Eleanor Driedger, 61, of Saskatoon had a little too much to drink at the lady’s Bible study and wine event last night, but refused to admit she’d come down with a hangover this […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonite Woman to Continue Wearing Mask in Liquor Store

March 15, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Even though provincial guidelines no longer require it, Mrs. Jessica Peters, 31, of Winnipeg plans to continue sporting her N95 at liquor stores across the province. “I’ve gotta be protected,” said Peters, ” […]

Unger the Influence

Liquor Stores Remove Russian Vodka from Shelves Without Any Mennonites Noticing

March 7, 2022 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Not a single one of Manitoba’s more than 700,000 Mennonites would admit to noticing the fact that local liquor stores had removed Russian vodka from the shelves. “Oh, that’s certainly news to […]

Unger the Influence

Winkler Supermarket Starts Selling Liquor to Convince Mennonites to Cover Their Faces

January 20, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Earlier this week Winkler’s favourite grocery store Seea Goot Mart added vodka and rum to store shelves in an effort to convince locals to cover their faces like they’re supposed to. “I guess […]

Posts navigation

1 2 … 14 »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • How to Drink Whiskey: A Guide for Mennonites
    September 24, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Wows Audience with Stunning Performance of that Piano Song You Play with Your Knuckles
    March 30, 2018
  • 1.4 Million Manitobans Show Up at Steep Rock All at Once
    August 2, 2020
  • Mennonite Sniper Sets Record for World’s Longest Deliberately-Missed Shot
    June 24, 2017
  • The Daily Bonnet Asks: Can You Be Both Christian and Rich?
    June 11, 2022

SATIRE BY ANDREW UNGER, AUTHOR OF THE DAILY BONNET

Copyright © 2023 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved