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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonites’ Deemed Offensive, To Be Replaced with ‘Personnonites’

February 8, 2018 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Protestors surrounded a Mennonite church in Edmonton this week demanding that it immediately remove the offensive gender-specific label of ‘Mennonite’ from all signage. “We say ‘Personnonites’ now,” said one protestor as he defaced […]

The Daily Bonnet

Bump of Packed Down Snow at the End of Mr. Penner’s Driveway Declared Manitoba’s Highest Peak

February 7, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A one foot tall mound of packed down snow on Mr. Penner’s driveway has been officially declared the tallest mountain in Manitoba. “Move over Baldy Mountain, my driveway is king now!” said a […]

The Daily Bonnet

5 Things Mennonites Can Watch Instead of the Super Bowl

February 4, 2018 Andrew

The Daily Bonnet has teamed up with our friends over at Mennotoba to create this list of viewing alternatives to the Super Bowl. So while all your frintschoft are in the living room pretending to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Peace Talks in Winkler-Morden Move Toward ‘Two-State Solution’

February 2, 2018 Andrew

OCCUPIED MORDEN TERRITORY, MB After decades of tension between the neighbouring Pembina Valley communities, representatives from Morden and Winkler have sat down at the negotiating table in Walhalla, North Dakota with hopes of bringing lasting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Bans Using Turn Signals

January 30, 2018 Andrew

NEUSCHANZENBACH, MB In an effort to stave off encroaching worldliness, the small Mennonite town of Neuschanzenbach has banned the use of turn signals, driving with the headlights on, and shoulder-checking before changing lanes. The new […]

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