‘Mennonites’ Deemed Offensive, To Be Replaced with ‘Personnonites’


Protestors surrounded a Mennonite church in Edmonton this week demanding that it immediately remove the offensive gender-specific label of ‘Mennonite’ from all signage.

“We say ‘Personnonites’ now,” said one protestor as he defaced the church sign. “After all, formavorcht and pacifism know no gender.”

While all agreed that a name change was necessary, there was some debate among the protestors as to whether to force Mennonites to change their name to Peoplenites or Personnonites or Humannonites.

“We’re also demanding that Menno Simons be referred to as People Simons from now on,” said the protestor. “We’re not too keen on the Province of Manitoba either.”

The protest went on for quite some time before the pastor came out and tried to calm the angry mob by offering them freshly baked schnetke and strawberry jam.

“If this schnetke doesn’t convince them, I don’t know what will,” said Pastor Dan. “Rhubarb platz?”

After consuming Mennonite baking for the good part of an hour, one protestor seemed to come around.

“For a church full of men,”  he said, “they sure know how to bake.”

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