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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Daring Mennonite Couple to Try Costco Farmer Sausage

September 25, 2022 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB This evening at faspa, the Wiebes of Vankla will be the first ever southern Manitobans to eat the farmer sausage that, apparently, you can get at Costco. “Costco formarvorscht? I didn’t even know […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Has So Much Rhubarb She Doesn’t Know What To Do With It All

September 15, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB For the first time in her 83-year-existence, Mrs. Wiens of Winkler has more rhubarb than she knows what to do with yet once. “Oba, waut de kuckuck will I do with all this […]

Unger & Thirst

“Of course they’re edible!” Mennonite Woman Brings Potent Snack to Church Potluck

September 13, 2022 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON Everything seemed to be going just fine at the West Side St. Jacob’s New Mennonite Church potluck this Saturday afternoon, until guests started snacking on the delicious red gummies that Mrs. Zehr […]

Unger & Thirst

Truck Spills Schmaunt Fat All Over Memphis Highway

September 9, 2022 Andrew

MEMPHIS, TN “The schmaunt fat was everywhere. The schmaunt fat was in the northbound lane. The schmaunt fat was in the southbound lane. The schmaunt fat was pooling in all the potholes.” This, according to […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Partiers Show Up to Mennonite Man’s “Hot New Disco”

September 8, 2022 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MEXICO Equipped with bellbottoms and Bee Gees records, thousands of eager dancers showed up in the tiny village of Hochfeld, Mexico this week for what promised to be the “hottest disco in all of […]

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