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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Despair Strikes Mennonite Man After Fruitless Search for Ketchup

January 25, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Joel Berg, 43, spent more than an hour this afternoon rifling through his McDonald’s bag in search of ketchup, but, alas, it was all for naught. “I pulled over to do […]

Unger & Thirst

Rank these sausages

January 21, 2023 Andrew

Mennonite are known for their love of sausage. But what kind is the best? We know there is only one right answer here, but who knows, in an anonymous vote in the privacy of our […]

Unger & Thirst

Eggy Mennonite Dish Now a Luxury Item

January 18, 2023 Andrew

BOISSEVAIN, MB Long thought of as a quick cheap dish that even Uncle Harry could make, Mennonite scrambled eggs or “ruehrei” as its often called, is now sold exclusively at high end designer boutiques. “Egg […]

Unger & Thirst

Winnipeg Mennonites Demand Roll Kuchen at New Krispy Kreme Store

January 17, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The excitement is palpable in Winnipeg for the new Krispy Kreme store. One demographic will not be satisfied, however, until a few changes are made. “We can get a donut anywhere,” said Art […]

Unger & Thirst

Biden Weighs Nationwide Ban on Gassy Mennonite Food

January 13, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Republicans are up in arms this week as the Biden administration is reportedly considering banning “gassy Mennonite food like schmaunt fat, formavorscht, and all those fried onions they like to put on the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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