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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Chips Blamed for Kicker’s Accuracy Problems

June 7, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Canadian Football League announced big changes this afternoon after an abysmal performance by Blue Bombers kicker Sergio Castillo last night that was attributed to the presence of chips in the area. “From […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Looking Forward to Those New Smoked Cheese Curds

June 6, 2024 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB It made headlines across the Mennonite world – fire at Bothwell Cheese! Thankfully the headline in The Carillon declared “Cheese Supply safe!” which had Mennonites breathing a sigh of relief … and […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Woman Confuses Vegemite for Nutella

June 3, 2024 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Area woman Erin Klassen of Abbotsford was about to enjoy a delightful snack of Nutella on bread, while she sat down to watch season 3 of The Bear this evening. However, Klassen’s snack […]

The Daily Bonnet

Shutdown of Pipeline Affects Delivery of Schmaunt Fat Between Gretna and Winnipeg

May 28, 2024 Andrew

GRETNA, MB For the past three months, Winnipegers have been starved for lack of schmaunt fat due to a pipeline shutdown with the supply centre in Gretna. “We’ve got the students at MCI working around […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Creates Her Own Rhubarb-Flavoured Bubly

May 24, 2024 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Disappointed with the lack of rhubarb-flavoured options, diehard Bubly-drinker Evelen Sawatzky of Mitchell, Manitoba has taken matters into her own hands. “Basically I just gather all the run-off water after I’m done washing […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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