Chips Blamed for Kicker’s Accuracy Problems


The Canadian Football League announced big changes this afternoon after an abysmal performance by Blue Bombers kicker Sergio Castillo last night that was attributed to the presence of chips in the area.

“From now there will be no chips,” said CFL Comissioner Randy Ambrosie. “Ruffles, Doritos, Old Dutch, not even La Cocina.”

CFL kickers are normally seen chomping down on a few Onion and Garlic ripple chips between plays, but the new rule will not allow such excesses.

“If the chips are going to impact their kicking,” said Ambrosie, “we’ve got to get rid of them. The last thing we want is more chip-related field goal malfunctions.”

The news was met with skepticism by some Bombers fans, however, particularly those from the Mennonite community.

“Nah, oba, I’ve had a Papsi and a bowl of rapple chaps at every Bombers game for years,” said Earl Unger of Steinbach, “and I’ve never missed a field goal.”

The new ban will include rapple chaps, dill pickle chaps, and, of course, salt and vanagar chaps.

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