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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Local Abes Rush to Purchase Last Remaining Chocolate Letter A

January 4, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB When word got out that the Winkler Co-op had just one more chocolate letter A in stock, local Abes rushed to get their hands on it. “Diewel! Looks like Abe Kehler beat me […]

Unger & Thirst

What do you call these things?

December 31, 2023 Andrew

They’re an annual tradition, something that brings Mennonites of all shapes and sizes together, but one thing we can’t agree on – just what do you call those golden balls of a New Year’s deliciousness? […]

Unger & Thirst

New Law Requires Fruitcake to Come with List of All Previous Owners

December 29, 2023 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A court in the Fraser Valley has just ruled that any gifting or sale of fruitcake must come with a complete list of previous owners. “When it comes to fruitcake,” said Judge Kroeker, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Feeds Entire Family on Costco Hot Dogs

December 19, 2023 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The Wiens family of Linden loaded up the Dodge Caravan this afternoon for their weekly trip to Costco to enjoy really cheap hot dogs. “This time we brought along Oma and Opa and […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Dime Bags of White Sugar

December 10, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona’s most notorious sugar dealer, 83-year-old Edith Braun, has been caught dealing “dime bags” of white sugar in the hallways of Southview Manor. “The street price of white sugar has soared this holiday […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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