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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Pastor Declares Self-Service Corn Stand an ‘Evil Temptress’

August 31, 2016 Andrew

PEMBINA VALLEY, MB Every year in August the honesty and integrity of Mennonites throughout the Pembina Valley is put to the test as local farmers set up self-service corn stands at the end of their […]

Unger & Thirst

Archaeologists Excavate Thick Layer of Sunflower Seeds on Car Floor

August 29, 2016 Andrew

WARMAN, SK More than twenty years of knackzoat accumulation, amounting to over three hundred kilos, has been excavated from the car floor of local couple Barney and Ethel Kehler of Warman. The Kehlers have been knacking zoat onto […]

Unger & Thirst

Pharaoh’s Heart Hardened by Cracklings

August 20, 2016 Andrew

THEBES, EGYPT Despite considerable urging from Israelite leader Moses, the Pharaoh mentioned in the Book of Exodus refused to let the Israelites go because his “heart was hardened.” New evidence suggests that Pharaoh’s heart condition can […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Unleashes String of Profanity After Being Served Roll Kuchen Without Corn Syrup

August 16, 2016 Andrew

HALBSTADT, MB Seniors at a church picnic this past Sunday had never heard such a sustained outburst of expletives as were unleashed by 83-year-old Wilmar F. Wiebe of Halbstadt after discovering he would have to consume […]

Unger & Thirst

Vacant Safeway Store to Become One Massive Tim Hortons

August 8, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Empty since being purchased and shut down by national grocery chain Sobey’s, the old Safeway store in Steinbach is rumoured to be turned into Canada’s largest Tim Hortons restaurant. “There already is a […]

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