Mennonite Church to Host First Annual ‘Quiet in the Land’ Death Metal Festival


In an effort to attract young people to church, the South Elkhart Mennonite Church is planning a death metal concert to be held in the church parking lot this summer.

“In keeping with our Anabaptist heritage, we’re calling it the ‘Quiet in the Land’ festival,” said Pastor Mark. “Let me tell you, you’ll never have heard death metal played this quiet before in your life!”

Pastor Mark is requiring all bands to turn their amps down to 1 or 2 throughout the entirety of the concert.

“We don’t want to wake Mrs. Funk,” said Pastor Mark. “The manor is just across the road. I guarantee you this will be the first death metal concert within walking distance of the old folks home.”

Bands such as Morbid Angel and Cannibal Corpse have already signed up for the festival, although they’re not sure how they can keep it quiet.

“I’m going to play the bongos,” said Cannibal Corpse drummer Paul Mazurkiewicz. “It’s not a usual gig, but if keeping our volume to a whisper pleases our Mennonite audience, then I’m more than willing to turn it down a bit.”

Tickets for the ‘Quiet in the Land’ Death Metal Festival go on sale this week in the lobby after church.

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