Dentyne Gum Fails to Mask Aroma of Cigarettes on Mennonite Woman’s Breath


Pastor Dave busted more than three dozen members of his youth group this past week after they naively thought a few sticks of Dentyne gum would cover up the smell of their Marlboros.

“They could chew a whole pack of Dentyne and I’d still be able to smell it,” said Pastor Dave. “The Hiebert sisters tried that old gum trick back in the ’80s. It didn’t work then, and it doesn’t work now!”

Pastor Dave immediately scolded the youngsters and made them sit through a lengthy sermon entitled, “Your Body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit,” which also included lessons on not drinking, holding hands, or swimming without adult supervision.

“I can smell a cigarette a mile away. All that gum does is just add to the stench,” said Pastor Dave. “So now you’re breath still smells like shit, but with a bit of mint. Believe me, it’s not helping anything.”

Young Alexis was shocked at the pastor’s ability to smell cigarette smoke on her breath.

“It’s like he has a six sense or something for smelling cigarettes over Dentyne,” said Alexis. “I guess next time I’ll try Juicy Fruit.”

In addition to smelling cigarettes, Pastor Dave claims to be able to smell body odour on a young person despite ample use of Axe body spray.

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