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Daily Bonnet

Daily Bonnet

10 Mennonite Novels that Should Definitely Be Banned

May 24, 2023 Andrew

2023 has seen a huge spike in book banning all over the world and we’ve even seen the trend reach the shores of southern Manitoba. Of course, we’re the ones who practically invented book banning, […]

Daily Bonnet

Moving Day Quickly Devolves into Petty Competition to See Which Insecure Mennonite Man Can Carry the Most Boxes at Once

May 20, 2023 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB It was moving day for the Krahns of La Crete and you know what that means – a semi-regular gathering of insecure Mennonite men trying to outdo each other by carrying the […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Brings Shame to the Entire Friesen Clan by Clapping Between Movements

May 19, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area man Dan Friesen, 51, sullied the good name of the Friesens this week after clapping between movements during a performance of the Manitoba Chamber Orchestra. “Well, pardon me for showing my appreciation […]

Daily Bonnet

Manitoba to Repatriate All Mennonites Who Moved to BC

May 14, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A new law will require all Mennonites who moved to BC in the last few decades to sell their million-dollar homes and take up residence over near Rosenort somewheres. “For years, we’ve seen […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Prepare to Mark Coronation of King Rudy Wiebe

May 3, 2023 Andrew

TABER, AB Monarchists and royal watchers throughout the Mennonite world are eagerly anticipating the coronation of King Rudy Wiebe this Saturday. The excitement is mounting in Taber, Alberta, where locals have scrambled to read Peace […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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