‘X’ Rebranded as ‘PG-13’ for Sensitive Mennonites


Realizing he had unintentionally alienated a sizeable chunk of potential users, X CEO Elon Musk has launched a new PG-13 App especially for Mennonites.

“Rest assured, there’s not a single exposed ankle or anything on our new PG-13 App,” said Musk. “The best you’ll get are some ‘mature themes’ and occasional mild profanity.”

Still, not every Mennonite intends to use the dedicated PG-13 App. Area man Joseph Schwartzentruber, 21, says he’s really looking forward to trying out X for the first time.

“I think I’m ready to see a bare shoulder or two,” said Schwartzentruber. “Just don’t let the elders know I’m into X.”

After three hours scrolling the X app, Schwartzentruber confessed he was a little disappointed with the content. 

“This is more misleading than my visit to Intercourse,” said Schwartzentruber. “Ugh, I guess I’ll just have to go back to Instagram …”

The new X app and it’s PG-13 counterpart are ready for download on the App Store for Mennonites who’ve been given express written consent by the church board to use the Internet. 

Liquor Store Strike Leaves Mennonites Without Any Place to Judge Each Other
Mennonite Couple Can't Decide Between Seeing 'Barbie' ... or 'Sound of Freedom' for the Tenth Time