Moving Day Quickly Devolves into Petty Competition to See Which Insecure Mennonite Man Can Carry the Most Boxes at Once


It was moving day for the Krahns of La Crete and you know what that means – a semi-regular gathering of insecure Mennonite men trying to outdo each other by carrying the most boxes at once.

“It’s not moving day in Mennonite country until someone has a heart attack,” said Dave Krahn, struggling to select the heaviest-looking box in the house. “I wouldn’t want the women to see us slacking.”

Dave managed to hoist four boxes of hard cover books and a couples boxes of kitchen items marked ‘fragile’, before cousin Todd outdid him by precariously perching six boxes of old rusty tools one on top of the other and then topping it off with the dining room table.

“I guess that means I can handle the refrigerator all by myself,” said Dave. “I can’t let Todd show me up.”

All the church men who volunteered to help move, took note of Dave and Todd and soon they, too, were struggling to carry increasingly ridiculous items to prove their superior masculinity and work ethic.

“Ahh, the grand piano. Should be able to do this one myself,” said friend of the family Andrew Warkentin. “You know it’s been a successful moving day when 9 out of 10 Mennonite men wind up in the hospital.”

In the end, the Krahns managed to get their stuff moved in record time, though the entire elder board at the South North La Crete EMMBCGC church will be mysteriously out of commission for the next six months.

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