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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

How to Choose Your New Colony Name: A Guide for Hutterites

August 18, 2023 Andrew

In most circumstances, Hutterites are a highly self-sufficient bunch, but in recent years it’s become clear that there was one essential resource they were running low on – satire. So, in an effort to build […]

Unger Conviction

Lutheran Pastor Signs 1-Day Contract to Retire as a Mennonite

August 13, 2023 Andrew

FRIEDENSFELD, MB After a 15-year-career where he set nearly every record in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Canada record book, Pastor David has shockingly decided to sign a 1-day contract to retire as a Mennonite. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Features First Air Conditioned Sanctuary in Town

July 25, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of eager worshippers flocked to South Elmwood Mennonite Church this Sunday to experience their first ever summer service without pit stains. “Ahhh, this is the life,” said new parishioner Jack Baerg, who […]

Unger Conviction

Massive Usher Shortage Shuts Down Mennonite Church this Summer

July 16, 2023 Andrew

YARROW, BC A Mennonite church in Yarrow, British Columbia has had to shutter its doors for the summer after they couldn’t find a single person willing to fold the bulletins or take Mrs. Driedger by […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Rules Thumbs Up Emoji Counts as Legally Binding Marriage Proposal

July 7, 2023 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK The North Rosthern MB Church is inviting everyone to the wedding of Christopher Peters and Alison Funk this Sunday after Christopher inadvertently gave a “thumbs up” to one of Alison’s posts. “As far […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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