LANCASTER, PA
Diehard churchgoer David Bender showed up at Fifth Mennonite Church of Lancaster this past Sunday with an unusual guest – his “spiritual support” alligator.
“His name is Stanley,” explained Bender. “Named after Mr. Hauerwas, of course. I just can’t get through a church service without him.”
While Bender insists that Stanley is perfectly tame, other attendees were more than a little concerned.
“He doesn’t look like a pacifist to me,” said Mrs. Shenk. “I think I’ll play it safe and sit a few pews further back this week.”
Bender says he just can’t believe the kind of prejudice he has to face as a fine upstanding alligator owner.
“I thought the Mennonites were all about peace and understanding,” said Bender. “But it seems they have the same biases against alligators that all the other churches do. From now on I plan to watch church on TV … at least until I can find a congregation that is more open-minded and accepting.”
The folks at Fifth Mennonite deny the allegations, and say they’re all fine with alligators, it’s really just crocodiles they have a problem with.