Joel Wiens Stadium Replaces Reimer Stadium (Yes, this is real and, no, it’s not in Manitoba)


Residents of southern Manitoba were mortified to discover that the Mennonites of Kansas had one-upped them in naming stuff after Nikkels, Wienses and Reimers.

Waut de schissjat is going on down there at Tabor College,” said Mrs. Reimer of Steinbach. “Wiens this and Reimer that. Diewel, you’d think they were in Kleefeld, Manitoba or something, but, apparently, that sort of thing goes on in Kansas, too.”

Hillsboro citizens, however, felt that naming stuff after Mennonites should not be exclusive domain of Manitobans.

“I know it’s not very Mennonite of me to say this, but if you’ve got it, flaunt it,” said Hillboro resident Mrs. Kliewer. “And I think we can show those Manitobans a things or two about naming things after Wienses and Reimers!”

Mrs. Kliewer also pointed out the campus of Tabor College features buildings named after a Harms, Hiebert, Lohrenz, Wiebe and Loewen.

“We’ve also got a Wohlgemuth Center, Regier Hall and Penner Clubhouse,” said Mrs. Kliewer. “We’re really giving Steinbach a run for its money.”

Manitobans were greatly distressed by the news and have set out to name even more things after Ungers, Toewses, Schellenbergs and Thiessens to make up for it.

“We’ve got to do something to match those folks in Hillsboro,” said Mrs. Reimer. “Our very identity depends on it.”

After examining a Tabor College campus map, Mrs. Reimer was okay with Adams Hall and Carson Hall, but was uncertain about Schlichting Reception Center and said she’d have to consult the elders on that one.

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