Canada Pays Off Entire Federal Debt One Day After Marijuana Legalization


Less than 24 hours after cannabis became legal in Canada, the federal government announced they had made so much money in tax revenue from the sale of legal weed that they were able to pay off the country’s entire $650 billion debt.

“I told you so,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, looking considerably less handsome than usual with his blood-shot eyes. “It’s remarkable! You’re crippled with debt one day and the next it’s all vanished into thin air. It’s just one more thing that makes Canada the great country that it is!”

Millions of Canadians potheads lined up outside their local marijuana shops to legally purchase weed and pay their taxes for the first time.

“It’s like the 60s all over again! But this time the government likes us!” said one Ottawa man, who purchased three hash brownies and a half dozen joints. “Who would have thought getting stoned would have such a beneficial impact on the Canadian economy! This is better than the oil sands!”

The Canadian government was quick to report the financial benefits of the new legislation.

“We were down to $300 billion by ten in the morning,” said Minister of Finance Bill Morneau. “Sales were steady all day and by early evening our decade’s old debt was completely gone. Thanks, cannabis!”

The debt reduction strategy has been praised by pundits as a miracle of economics, although a few suspect the Finance Minister was high when he made the calculations.

(photo credit: Rick Obst/CC)

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