Local Man’s Biggest Fear is Showing His Fear


Fear of being perceived as being fearful is an at all time high these days, with thousands of insecure men who fear being seen as fearful posting stuff like “stop living in fear” all over the Internet.

“The last thing I’d ever want is to be seen as fearful,” said Dwight Schmidt of Calgary. “It’s my biggest fear.”

Fear of fear or “timorphobia” is so common among insecure middle aged white men that man have wrapped up their entire sense of manhood in it.

“I ain’t afraid of Covid. I ain’t afraid of nothing!” said Schmidt. “When will all these pansies stop living in fear. What I like to do is construct an artificial enemy in my mind. I just assume everyone else out there is absolutely terrified and then I pat myself on the back for entering a store and yelling at people when they ask me to put on a mask.”

Schmidt has reportedly created and posted more than a hundred typo-laden memes on the topic and received dozens of complements on his apparently enormous manhood.

“I ain’t compensating for anything,” said Schmidt. “Who told you I am?”

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