Mennonite Strip Poker Game Sends Three to Hospital


Three young Mennonites are in critical condition at the Altona Hospital this evening after a strip poker game went badly wrong. The local variation of the game requires participants to add layers of clothing after each losing hand, resulting in the near suffocation of two young men and one woman in their early 20s.

“You never like to see young people come in here like this,” explained Dr. Christopher Kehler. “The poor folks could hardly breathe.”

The evening began fine enough with each participant sporting a pair of jeans and a collared shirt, or a blouse and skirt for the young women. As the evening progressed, however, some of the less-skilled poker players added sweatshirts, sweaters, ski-pants, and parkas, eventually engulfing themselves in a thick impenetrable layer of outerwear.

“I know that strip poker can be a temptation for many in our community,” said Dr. Kehler, “but we need to carefully explain the health risks that wearing that amount of clothes for a prolonged period of time can cause. In addition to a risk of suffocation, participants are also at a high risk for heat exhaustion and excessive polyester inhalation.”

Surgeons were able to carefully remove the garments, but Bertha Funk insists she’ll play again as soon as she has the opportunity.

“There aren’t a lot of chances to see the boys all covered up like that,” said Funk. “They’re usually out in the field picking rocks with their shirts off. If I’m going to marry one of these fellas I’ve gotta see what they look like with all their clothes on.”

(photo credit: Dan Goodwin/CC)

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