Bernie Sanders’s Mittens Sworn in as President of the United States


A pair of delightful mittens worn by Bernie Sanders were sworn in as President of the United States earlier today.

“I’m going to be a President for all Americans, not just those with cold hands,” said President Wool Mitten. “Gone are the days of divisive politics. We’re going to make America warm again.”

The Wool Mittens were elected with 52% of the popular vote, defeating a pair of stained white briefs with holes in them.

“The people have spoken loud and clear!” said Mr. Mitten. “As your President I promise to be cute, fuzzy and adorable for the next four to eight years.”

Meanwhile the soiled ripped briefs were vowing to make a comeback in 2024 or just as soon as they can be sufficiently laundered.

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