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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

McCartney Cancels Show in Mennonite Town Over Lack of Vegetarian Options

July 21, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Legendary musician and notorious veggie-lover Paul McCartney has decided to cancel his upcoming summer concert in Steinbach, citing what he calls “an embarrassing lack of vegetarian options.” “That town is full of Mennonites […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Couple Air Their Grievances on Jerry Springer Show

July 20, 2017 Andrew

STAMFORD, CT In most cases, Mennonite couples are encouraged to work out their differences in private, or perhaps in front of a small group of elders. However, this past week, local farmers Henry and Annie […]

Unger Suspicion

Brave Kangaroo Carries Mennonite Tourists to Safety

July 19, 2017 Andrew

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA First time travellers Robert and Martha Loewen of Altona found that they had wandered a little too far into the outback during a recent visit to Australia. Lucky for the Loewens, they found […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Program Seeks to End Promiscuity at Old Folks Home

July 19, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Over the past few years, experts have witnessed a dramatic rise in wild and licentious behaviour among our Mennonite seniors. In order to address this problem, which some have blamed on social media, Linda […]

Unger Suspicion

JK Rowling Releases Mennonite Harry Potter Book ‘Without All the Magic’

July 18, 2017 Andrew

LONDON, UK In an effort to make her books more appealing to a wider audience, best-selling author J.K. Rowling is releasing new edited versions of her popular Harry Potter books that removes all the witchcraft […]

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    December 30, 2020
  • Mennonite Man’s Car Spotted in Liquor Store Parking Lot
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    March 12, 2023
  • Aging Mennonite Couple Still Fast-Forwards Through Sex Scenes
    December 9, 2017
  • Mennonite Town Bans Pickleball After Concerns About “Dinking”
    June 28, 2024

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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