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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Nearly Fe’schluckes Herself

February 22, 2018 Andrew

NEUHORST, SK Although Mrs. Friesen of Neuhorst has nearly fe’schlucked herself on numerous occasions in the past, a particularly side-splitting joke at a wedding reception this weekend almost meant her demise. Unfortunately for Mrs. Friesen […]

Unger Suspicion

Patrik Laine Has Now Officially Passed Jonathan Toews in Total Mennoniteness

February 21, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite his Finnish origin and inability to speak Plautdietsch, Winnipeg Jets star Patrik Laine is now officially even more Menno than Jonathan Toews. According to sources, his moustacheless beard was inspired by the […]

Unger & Thirst

New Canada Food Guide Makes Farmer Sausage its Own Food Group

February 20, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In an effort to reshape the unhealthy eating patterns of Canadians, the new Canada Food Guide has made formavorscht it’s own food group and now recommends 6-10 servings per day. “A lot of […]

Unger Suspicion

Russian Athletes Forced to Compete as “Athletes Formerly Known as Russians”

February 19, 2018 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA After a steroid scandal in the last Olympics, athletes from the Russian Federation have been forced to compete under an altered Russian flag that features an unpronounceable symbol. Russian athletes will also […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dishes are Miraculously Washed as Mennonite Man Naps on Sunday Afternoon

February 18, 2018 Andrew

SCHANZENBURG, SK After devouring a delicious meal of schinke fleish and fried potatoes, local man Henry Wiebe, 47, decided to unbutton his pants, kick up his feet, and lie down in the living room while […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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