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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Canadian Olympians Forced to Pay Back Half Their Medals in Taxes

February 13, 2018 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA Always on the lookout for new sources of revenue, the Canadian government has announced it will be taxing Olympic medals at the top income tax bracket of 48.7 percent. The medals will […]

Unger Suspicion

An Exclusive Interview with the Notorious ‘Alberta Clipper’

February 12, 2018 Andrew

TABER, AB After years of secrecy, the infamous ‘Alberta Clipper’ has agreed to this exclusive interview with the Daily Bonnet. We met Mr. Friesen in his home in Taber to ask him about why he […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Hires Seminary Graduate

February 11, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB “It seems we’ve been duped,” said Altona MEMBCM board chair John B. Friesen. “We never would have hired Pastor Jim had we known he was actually a highly-trained and educated individual.” Friesen is […]

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Launches Buggy Full of Mennonite Elders Into Space

February 10, 2018 Andrew

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL Pioneering SpaceX and Tesla founder Elon Musk launched a Mennonite buggy, complete with five grumpy members of the local church elder board, into outer space on Friday. The historic launch is the […]

The Daily Bonnet

General Conference and Mennonite Brethren Form Joint Olympic Team

February 9, 2018 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA For the first time since the great schism of 1860, the General Conference and Mennonite Brethren will compete together in the Olympics under a unified flag. The United Mennonite Team is seen […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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