House Fails to Warm Up After Mennonite Man Puts on the Fireplace Channel


An unprecedented cold snap had John Goerzen of Edmonton trying everything he could to warm the house up. Unfortunately for Goerzen, putting on the fireplace channel did absolutely nothing to increase the temperature.

“That’s when I called Shaw Cable,” said Goerzen. “I had that fireplace channel on for three hours and nuscht.”

Goerzen said he was especially inspired to take action after hearing about the possibility of rolling blackouts.

“The last time I had a rolling blackout was when Martha overcooked the zwieback,” said Goerzen. “Let me tell you, that rolling blackout faspa was not something I want to repeat.”

Goerzen is also launching a lawsuit to compensate him for the fact that he’s still hungry after watching the Food Network all day. 

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