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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Man Blames the Refs for Every Single Problem in His Life

April 22, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Darren Wiebe, 58, of North Kildonan just couldn’t see any other way for the Jets’ first round playoff loss than to blame the refs. Wiebe also blames the refs for his […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Sells New ‘What Would Jansen Do’ Bracelets

April 21, 2019 Andrew

BEATRICE, NE In honour of long-term elder Mr. Jansen, the ECCM Mennonite Church of Beatrice has introduced a new product for sale in the church book store: a limited-edition ‘What Would Jansen Do?’ bracelet. “You […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Finally Returns His Empties

April 20, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After accumulating ten years worth of empties in his unfinished basement, local man Carl Toews, finally decided it was time to return them and get his 5 cent per bottle deposit. “Most Mennonites […]

The Daily Bonnet

Facebook Debate About ‘Eternal Security’ Results in the Condemnation of Millions

April 19, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB What started as an innocent conversation between a Mennonite and a Calvinist on “eternal security” quickly became the greatest mass condemnation of people since the Spanish Inquisition. “I just started off by posting a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Writes Cheque for 63 Cents

April 18, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local woman Ruth Kehler, 76, didn’t have the cash with her to pay for the purchase of used margarine containers at Mrs. Wiebe’s garage sale. Thankfully, however, she had her credit union cheque […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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