McDonald’s Installs New Extra Uncomfortable Furniture to Prevent Mennonite Men from Sitting Around All Day Drinking Coffee


Area man Albert Plett, 51, smashed the record at his local McDonald’s restaurant this week by becoming the first person ever to make it through five McNuggets and a handful of fries without having to stand up for a while and do a few stretches.

“No one’s ever sat comfortably in our furniture for more than 90 seconds before,” said store manager Sarah Sawatzky. “We spent a million dollars on new furniture last year to guarantee customer discomfort. Looks like it’s back to the drawing board.”

Plett says his technique was to shift from side to side between bites.

“I’ve also been working on my breathing technique,” said Plett. “You’ve really got to concentrate if you want to survive for more than a minute or two in these chairs.”

Rumours have it the new stiff wooden furniture was specifically designed to prevent Mennonite men from sitting around all day drinking coffee.

“Nice try. You’re going to have to do better than that,” said Plett. “We’ve got years of experience sitting in church pews.”

The local McDonald’s said they’re also considering playing secular music to get the Mennonite men to move on.

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