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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Handwritten Recipe Has Mennonite Children Scratching Their Heads

February 19, 2019 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Driedger’s grandchildren were completely baffled by a handwritten recipe they found in the drawer with the tea towels. It seems the abbreviations she used were indecipherable to the fledgling cooks. “Does B.S. […]

Unger Suspicion

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a Big Hit on Hutterite Colony

February 18, 2019 Andrew

WOKE RIVER COLONY, SD A young Hutterite woman at Woke River Colony in South Dakota had some explaining to do after dozens of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez posters were found prominently displayed on her bedroom walls this […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Challenges Marie Kondo to Cleaning Competition

February 17, 2019 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN Mrs. Toews, a Holdeman Mennonite from Newton, Kansas believes that Marie Kondo is no match for her cleaning and organizing skills, and has challenged the Japanese cleaning guru to a “good old fashioned […]

Unger Suspicion

New Biopic Reveals Freddie Mercury’s ‘Secret Wild Mennonite Life’

February 16, 2019 Andrew

LONDON, UK A popular new biopic, Blumenort Rhapsody, reveals a side of Freddie Mercury’s life that has remained untold until now. From 1978-1982, the Queen singer secretly lived among the Mennonites of southern Manitoba. “At the […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Woman Burns Hole In Her Tongue Eating Cinnamon Hearts

February 14, 2019 Andrew

WHITEMOUTH, MB Local woman Anne Kauenhofen burned a hole straight through her tongue after binging on an entire package of cinnamon hearts during a lonely evening watching “The Bachelor” this Valentine’s Day. “Those things are […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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