$10 Billion Business Deal Inked in Mennonite Church Lobby


Mr. Thiessen and Mr. Klassen just signed a massive $10 billion business deal in the local Mennonite church lobby this past Sunday. The deal is the third largest business deal ever signed in a church lobby.

“I do business here all the time. Why else do you think I show up on Sundays?” said Mr. Thiessen. “It certainly ain’t the lobby coffee, let me tell you that.”

Mr. Klassen, too, has signed many a business deal in the church lobby.

“You can develop some really beneficial relationships around here,” said Mr. Klassen. “Who needs LinkedIn, when you’ve got a church lobby full of people ready to make a bit of cash!”

Thiessen and Klassen first met at a “Business Leader’s Prayer Meeting” last fall, where they ended each prayer with a solemn and respectful “cha-ching!”

“I never was a church goer before, but since I became a member here, I’ve never had it so good,” said Thiessen. “The Lord really is blessing me or something…”

Reports indicate that Mrs. Wiebe had tried to chase them out of the church with a whip, but was told to “settle down” and that “this is just the way things are done these days.”

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