Leamington Man Arrested for Possession of Heinz Ketchup


Days after a new law came into effect barring the use of Heinz Ketchup, the Leamington police have made their first arrest for possession of something other than French’s.

“A middle-aged male was taken into custody for recklessly dumping Heinz ketchup all over his hamburger during a visit to the Tomato Splash Pad at Seacliff Park,” said Constable Driedger. “It was a brazen violation of our new laws. It’s like he was flaunting it.”

The new law was created in response to billionaire Warren Buffet’s closing of the Leamington Heinz plant. In response, southern Ontarians have been boycotting that particular brand of ketchup.

“I sure hope I don’t have to make any more arrests,” said Constable Driedger. “Things could get violent if I see anymore of that Heinz ketchup around here.”

Just last month Warren Buffet had to cancel a book signing at the Essex County Library in Leamington amid fears he would be ruthlessly pelted with tomatoes.

Buffet’s new book, entitled ‘How to Be a Rich Douche,’ has also been banned by Leamington authorities.

(photo credit: by A Gude/CC)

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