Trump Guilty on All 34 Charges in Hush Puppies Trial


A New York jury on Thursday found US Presidential hopeful Donald Trump guilty on all 34 counts of wearing extra-comfortable footwear brand Hush Puppies.

“If the conviction stands, he will be the first Presidential candidate to run for office while guilty of felony possession of Hush Puppies,” says political pundit David Schwartzentruber-Klippenstein-Schultz. “But I guess we’ll just leave that up to the American public to decide whether Hush Puppies possession should be held against him.”

The Hush Puppies conviction is considered the most egregious fashion faux pas since Jimmy Carter sported his infamous yellow cardigan in 1977.

“We understand that the man has sore feet,” said Schwartzentruber-Klippenstein-Schultz, “but that’s no reason to sport Hush Puppies.”

Trump’s lawyers tried to point out other instances where politicians wore Blundstones, Merrell, or even Vionic, but this was not enough to convince the jury.

“There’s really no excuse,” said Schwartzentruber-Klippenstein-Schultz. “We can’t have a President who takes us back to the mid-90s like this.”

In his defence, Donald Trump said Hush Puppies were just one shoe in his vast repertoires which also includes Crocs.

(photo credit: Limyuefaine/Wikicommons)

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