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Unger Games

Canadian Supreme Court Rules ‘Curling is a Real Sport’

October 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled today that “curling is actually a real sport, eh.” “Weighing all the evidence, it’s quite clear that curling is a sport,” said Judge […]

Unger Suspicion

“Oops, My Bad,” Say Democrats Who Forgot to Codify Roe v. Wade for Almost 50 Years

June 26, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Crocodile tears were flowing at Democratic Party headquarters this week, as the men in charge of the party, realized that, yet again, they’d been paying lip service to an idea without doing anything […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Supreme Court Rules Life Begins at Baptism

June 25, 2022 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The Mennonite Supreme Court in Zurich ruled 5-4 this weekend that “life begins at baptism around the age of 18 just before you get married.” “If you’re not a baptized member of the […]

Unger Suspicion

Jury Finds Johnny Depp Guilty of Having Better Lawyers

June 1, 2022 Andrew

FAIRFAX COUNTY, VA Seven jurors have found actor Johnny Depp guilty of having, “like, way better lawyers than Amber Heard.” In a historic decision, the jury ruled that there was absolutely no evidence that “Amber […]

Unger Suspicion

Johnny Depp Flees Courthouse in White Ford Bronco

May 27, 2022 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Actor Johnny Depp was spotted leaving a Virginia courthouse this week and cruising back home to California in a white Ford Bronco. “I think he had enough of all the Johnny Depp-Amber […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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