Paper Straw Totally Disintegrates Before Mennonite Man Gets to the Bottom of His Papsi


Area man Art Brandt, 58, was enjoying a Papsi and Ravel at his favourite local burger joint this past week, when he discovered they were now offering paper straws instead of the ones that actually serve the purpose for which they were intended.

Jauma, waut de kuckuck is this yet?” pondered Mr. Brandt as his straw instantly dissolved upon contact with the Papsi. “I’ve chewed on straw before, but usually just during harvest season at the Peters farm.”

It didn’t take long, however, for Mr. Brandt to develop a liking to the new paper-straw-flavoured Papsi.

“Tastes a bit like yerba mate to me,” said Mr. Brandt, turning to the server. “Hey, Anne, can you bring me a few more of those paper straws to throw in my Papsi here?”

Mr. Brandt seems to have started a trend, as many Winkler restaurants will soon be offering “Papsi with a hint of paper straw” or the “Mr. Brandt special,” which is a cup full of wet paper straws with just a hint of Papsi. Local faspas will also be replacing sugar cubes with a little bowl of paper straws for folks to suck on.

“I guess I’m more environmentally friendly than I thought,” said Mr. Brandt. “I’m sure glad I discovered these new water-soluble straws. Whoever invented these is a genius!”

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