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The Daily Bonnet

Bump of Packed Down Snow at the End of Mr. Penner’s Driveway Declared Manitoba’s Highest Peak

February 7, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A one foot tall mound of packed down snow on Mr. Penner’s driveway has been officially declared the tallest mountain in Manitoba. “Move over Baldy Mountain, my driveway is king now!” said a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dozens of Mennonite Women Left Homeless After Tornado Strikes MCC Store

January 18, 2018 Andrew

KJRIESELSTORM, KS More than thirty Mennonite women have been left without any place to go after a tornado ripped through the heart of a local MCC Thrift Store yesterday afternoon. “They’re here all the time. […]

Unger Suspicion

British Columbian Freezes to Death Within Minutes of Arriving in Winnipeg

January 11, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Mark Thiessen of Chilliwack froze to death after walking a hundred metres from the airport terminal to his rental car this weekend. Police found his frozen corpse, with his debit card in […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Completely Shocked by the Existence of Winter

December 28, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Millions of Canadians from coast-to-coast were completely flummoxed this week as temperatures dropped to the same frigid Canadian winter temperatures as every other winter. Many took to social media to vent their disbelief. […]

Unger Conviction

Rubbers Completely Fill Mennonite Church Lobby

December 27, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Chaos and confusion erupted at the North Blumenort Mennonite Church over the holidays as the lobby became filled to the brim with old men’s black rubber overshoes. Things became especially heated when Mr. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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