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The Daily Bonnet

B.C. Relatives are Really Proud of Their Inability to Survive Harsh Manitoba Winters

December 6, 2016 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Mennonites across the Fraser Valley, many of whom once lived on the frozen prairie tundra, have gone soft in recent years and can no longer survive more than a few minutes outside their […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites React With Disgust to ‘Showy’ Supermoon

November 14, 2016 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SASK The largest moon in almost 70 years has been strutting its stuff across the globe tonight, much to the chagrin of Mennonites who found the display to be “repulsive.” “You don’t draw attention […]

Unger Suspicion

Road Construction Complete Just in Time for Blizzard Season

October 31, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After a summer and fall of road work on every single street in town, where traffic had ground to a halt, many of Steinbach’s roads have finally reopened just in time for the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Group Proposes to Move Steinbach’s Summer Festival to the Very Coldest Day of the Year

June 18, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A small group of concerned Steinbach citizens has proposed to move next year’s Summer in the City Festival to the dead of winter. “I’m just not sure we should be out there when the weather […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Satirist Spends Hours Indoors Writing Articles on First Warm May Long Weekend in Decades

May 21, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Completely missing the rare opportunity to have a rain-free May long weekend, pathetic local writer Andrew Unger spent hours indoors constructing satirical news items. “The weather’s beautiful, but I’ve got articles to write,” said Unger […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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