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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Refuses to Do Her Christmas Shopping Until There’s Snow on the Ground

November 16, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Ruth Peters of Winkler is amassing a long list of presents to buy, all because the lack of snow on the ground this November has not put her in the right mood […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitobans Shocked to Experience an Actual Fall this Year

October 22, 2023 Andrew

BRANDON, MB The province of Manitoba has been in a state of complete shock for the past month as, for some strange reason, winter didn’t follow immediately after summer this year. “Orange leaves, temperate weather? […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Features First Air Conditioned Sanctuary in Town

July 25, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of eager worshippers flocked to South Elmwood Mennonite Church this Sunday to experience their first ever summer service without pit stains. “Ahhh, this is the life,” said new parishioner Jack Baerg, who […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hottest Day in History Has Mr. Friesen Considering a Name Change

July 8, 2023 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Days after scientists reported the hottest day in the earth’s history, area man Dick Friesen is considering changing his name to “more accurately reflect the current state of affairs.” “Diewel, it’s hot out,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Newfoundland’s Dyck-Shaped Iceberg Goes Viral

April 29, 2023 Andrew

ST. JOHN’S, NFLD A massive Dyck-shaped iceberg off the coast of Newfoundland has gone viral this week, as iceberg lovers claim they’ve never seen anything like it before. “Icebergs come in all shapes and sizes,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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