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Unger the Influence

Mennonites Arrested in Washington for Being Way Too Peaceful

January 18, 2024 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC 130 hymn-singing Mennonites were arrested in Washington, DC this week and charged with being, “like, way too peaceful and stuff.” The arrests came after several dozen Mennonites sat down in the Cannon Hill […]

Unger the Influence

Nobel Peace Prize to Be Renamed ‘Henry Kissinger Memorial Award’

November 30, 2023 Andrew

OSLO, NORWAY After the passing of everyone’s favourite war criminal this week, the Nobel committee in Oslo has decided to solidify the mistake they made in 1973 by renaming the Nobel Peace Prize as the […]

Unger the Influence

House Speaker Rota Utterly Bewildered During ‘Axis and Allies’ Game

September 26, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Moments after resigning his post as Speaker of the House, Liberal MP Anthony Rota was spotted in sweatpants at the weekly ‘Axis and Allies’ games night held at Justin Trudeau’s bachelor pad. “Wait, […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Rejoice as NHL Finally Bans Military Appreciation Jerseys

June 24, 2023 Andrew

GERMANTOWN, PA “I used to be a big NHL fan until they were putting all this military stuff in my face,” says Mr. Shenk of Germantown. “If you’re into that, fine, but I don’t need […]

Unger Games

Ovechkin Gifts Putin with Record-Setting Puck

December 27, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA Just moments after an empty net goal put him second all-time in career goals, Capitals star Alexander Ovechkin tossed the historic puck into a manila envelope, slapped on a couple stamps, and mailed […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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