Mennonites Rejoice as NHL Finally Bans Military Appreciation Jerseys


“I used to be a big NHL fan until they were putting all this military stuff in my face,” says Mr. Shenk of Germantown. “If you’re into that, fine, but I don’t need it in my face all the time.”

Shenk’s sentiments echo many other Mennonite NHL fans and their voices have been heard as the league announced this afternoon they would no longer be honouring the military with special jerseys and events.

“I agree with the decision. It’s such a divisive topic,” said Shenk, “and I certainly don’t need my children exposed to that kind of thing.”

Starting next season, the league will be banning any expression of support for the military, including, but not limited to, wearing military jerseys, cutting your hair short, and displaying the US flag.

“It’s all fine and good if they do that military stuff on their own time,” said Shenk. “I really don’t care if people parade around in camo in their own private residences, but we certainly don’t need it at the arena when I’m just trying to watch a hockey game.”

In order to appease the Mennonites, the league also announced they were banning to sale of beer at all NHL arenas and will be replacing the national anthem with an old German hymn. 

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