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Unger & Thirst

Americans to Consume More than 2 Million Tons of Baked Beans Today

July 4, 2023 Andrew

HUBBARD, OR According to the FDA, Americans consume more than 2 million tons of molasses baked beans every 4th of July. The volume of baked bean consumption has some officials worried about air quality this […]

Unger Suspicion

Americans Accuse Canada of “Premature Thankfulness”

October 9, 2022 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Millions of Americans have signed a petition to stop Canada from celebrating Thanksgiving early. “This premature thankfulness has got to stop,” said Mr. Frey of Elkhart, Indiana. “I’ve got some cousins up there […]

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Tops Forbes List of “America’s Favourite Oligarchs”

March 12, 2022 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Forbes Magazine has just released a list of the richest oligarchs in America. On the top of the list were beloved American oligarchs Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerburg, and Bill Gates. […]

Unger Suspicion

Sad Lonely Canadian Man Still Watching Hockey for Some Reason

May 1, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Darrel Schmidt, 41, of Toronto is still “really into” the NHL playoffs despite the fact that any real reason to follow hockey ended sometime last week. “After the Maple Leafs are out and […]

Unger Suspicion

Petition Calls for Entire State of Minnesota to Join Canada

January 7, 2019 Andrew

ST. PAUL, MN Already at more than 7,000 signatures, a binding online petition, will see the entire state of Minnesota join its neighbour to the north when it reaches the 10,000 signature threshold. “I’ve always […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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