Local Church Distributes Free Manure


This Sunday morning, the local Church of God (Revolution) will be generously handing out free manure for people’s gardens and flower beds.

“Bring your own wheelbarrows, because there’s going to be a lot of bull shit flying from the pulpit this morning,” said local preacher Apostle Hank. “I’m going to be preaching for an hour and a half on proper attire and the submissiveness of women, so there’s going to be more than enough manure for everyone.”

Area gardeners are super excited about the event.

“I look forward to this Sunday every year,” said Mrs. Martens. “Normally I go to a church that’s, you know, reasonable … but one Sunday a year I make an exception just so I can get some really nice fertilizer.”

In addition to fresh mature coming straight from the pulpit this Sunday, the church has been storing up fertilizer over the past few months in a shed out back.

“There’s a high demand my bull shit,” said Hank. “People will be lining up down the block.”

While eager gardeners will have access to plenty of manure, past experience suggests they may have to tolerate a severe case of nausea in order to collect the supply.

(photo credit: Antonio Bovino/CC)

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