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swimming

The Daily Bonnet

Modestly Attired Mennonite Model Appears in ‘Sports Illustrated’ Swimsuit Edition

May 12, 2019 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY This past week Mrs. Janzen, 74, of Abbotsford made waves after becoming the first ever Mennonite woman to appear in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. “It was a nice shot of Mrs. Janzen sitting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Offers ‘Gorgeous New Pool Facilities’ to Rural Residents

March 1, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Residents of neighbouring rural areas are being offered “first dibs” on some gorgeous new swimming facilities on the corner of Reimer and Pine. “It’s the least we can do to show our appreciation […]

Unger Suspicion

Grand Beach Declared ‘Urine Free Zone’

July 7, 2018 Andrew

GRAND BEACH, MB Urinating at Manitoba’s most popular Lake Winnipeg beach this summer will result in stiff penalties thanks to a new law. Grand Beach is now officially ‘Urine Free,’ although smoking and drinking is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top Ten Things for Mennonites to Do at the Lake this Weekend

August 6, 2017 Andrew

I was in church this morning. It was just me and Pastor Dave. It wasn’t bad, but the sermon felt a little personal, you know? Well, anyway, since you’re all out camping, I’ve decided to […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Splash Park Offers Unique Way to Beat the Heat this Summer

July 31, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB With temperatures soaring above 30 degrees centigrade this summer, the City of Steinbach has announced a revolutionary new plan for residents to beat the heat. The city announced Monday that all the local […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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