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Unger Conviction

Local Church Becomes 7-Eleven Franchise So it Can Reopen as an Essential Service

December 9, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK The EGCMB Church of Saskatoon has installed five Slurpee machines and a place to rotate the wieners so that they can reopen as an essential business this Sunday. “Come for the gospel, stay […]

The Daily Bonnet

Typo Leads to Confusion at Local Store

November 19, 2020 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Customers entering Dueck Sausage Emporium in Swift Current this week were greeted with a friendly message to “satanize” their hands before entry. “Diewel, I knew things were bad, but this is getting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Frugal Manitobans Celebrate as Christmas Gatherings Banned this Year

November 11, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It looks like frugal southern Manitobans will no longer have to worry about buying Barbies, Captain Underpants books and cheap blended whiskey for the relatives this year, as the maskless “freedom-fighters” among us have […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach “Most Generous Community in Canada” Once Again After Surge in Covid Fines

November 9, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbachers are known across Canada for their generosity, often topping the list of largest charitable donations per capita. This spirit of generosity appears to continue, this week, as thousands of Steinbachers have each […]

The Daily Bonnet

Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Mandatory” as “Like Totally Optional, Whatever Man”

October 31, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENSTEIN, MB Webster’s Dictionary has just announced a list of wacky new words for 2020 including “permaculture”, “freegan”, “awesomesauce”, and “mandatory”, and defines the latter as “like totally optional, whatever man.” “We’re very pragmatic in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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