Chaos at Walmart After Mennonite Woman Goes the Wrong Way


It was absolute mayhem at Altona Walmart this afternoon after Mrs. Bueckert brazenly decided to push her shopping card filled with toilet paper and pistachio pudding mix against the direction of the arrows.

Jauma, Bueckertshe, watch where you’re going once!” exclaimed Mrs. Bergman, who is a strict follower of all the rules. “Those arrows are there for a very good reason! What that is, I don’t really know, but if there’s arrows on the ground I make sure to follow them!”

Mrs. Bueckert was promptly arrested by Altona police who charged her with public mischief and also cited an obscure Altona law which forbids “talking back and sass.”

“We simply can’t have people walking down an empty aisle in whatever direction they please,” said Constable Giesbrecht. “Plus I really don’t like some of the strong language she used when we arrested her. I’ve never been called a lazy schinda so many times in my life!”

Inspired by local stores and in preparation for their eventual re-opening, local churches have already set up arrows that point women to the women’s section and men to the men’s.

“We’ve also got arrows that point the way to faspa,” said Pastor Jake. “Oh, and a really really big arrow pointing to the way to the offering plate!”

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