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Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Church Boycotts ‘Sexy Centennial’ Celebrations

July 1, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB As Canadians gather today to celebrate 150 years of nationhood, members of a small town Mennonite church will not be participating in the festivities. “I don’t know what the heck this ‘sexy-centennial’ […]

The Daily Bonnet

Homewrecker Wrecks Record 30th Home

June 27, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON During a homewrecking career that spanned more than six decades, local seductress Alice Kehler, 81, has been responsible for the break-up of a record thirty marriages in the Kitchener area. “I think I have […]

Unger & Thirst

FDA Approves the Sale of ‘Mennonite Viagra’

June 14, 2017 Andrew

SILVER SPRING, MD After rigorous testing in a secret facility somewhere near Harrisonburg, Virginia, the United States Food and Drug Administration has approved the sale of a controversial new pharmaceutical product called ‘Mennonite Viagra.’ The […]

Unger Conviction

Streaker Disrupts Mennonite Church Service

June 6, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB The service at East Blumenhof Brethren was rudely interrupted by a “basically naked” young woman who walked in the door claiming she was “visiting for the first time.” Within minutes of her arrival, the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Forbids Standing in Church, Claims it ‘Leads to Dancing’

May 26, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Head pastor of Northwest Goshen MBC, Heinrich Yoder declared that standing would no long be permitted in church services as it had a very high risk of leading to dancing. “We need to […]

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