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Unger Conviction

New Pill Makes Mennonite Church Service Tolerable

October 29, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC After decades of research, a brand new pill has been approved by the Mennonite Health Service that makes Sunday morning church services just barely tolerable. “I don’t use this term lightly, but it’s […]

Unger Conviction

World’s Coolest Mennonite Pastor Wears Fox Racing Hoodie to Church

August 2, 2022 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB In an effort to bring back the crowds, local Pastor Dan will be sporting a camo Fox Racing hoodie from now until church attendance is back to normal. “I might throw in a […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Visits Every Single MB Church in the Fraser Valley

July 8, 2022 Andrew

YARROW, BC The Pletts of Yarrow have become the first couple ever to visit every single MB church in the Fraser Valley. “We try to visit about 30 to 40 MB churches per year,” said […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Hesitant to Get Vaccine after Learning He’ll Have to Start Attending Church Again

June 12, 2021 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The true source of southern Manitoba vaccine hesitancy has finally been discovered. A new survey indicates that fear of having to go to church again is causing a lot of folks in the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Shortens Sermons to 90 Minutes for the Summer Months

April 22, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Pastor Pete of North Southside Mennonite has graciously decided to shorten his sermons to a more tolerable 90 to 120 minutes for the summer months. “Hey, I know how it is in the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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