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Unger Conviction

Calgary Church Threatens to Leave Town Unless Government Pays for Massive New Building

June 9, 2017 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Cowtown Brethren, a nominally-Mennonite Church located in downtown Calgary on the Bow River, is threatening to relocate the entire congregation to Quebec City unless the Alberta government ponies up the funds to build a massive […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Boy Sneaks a Glimpse of Stanley Cup Finals from Lutheran Neighbour’s Window

May 30, 2017 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK 10-year-old Mennonite boy Billy Unger of Swift Current was caught watching game one of the Stanley Cup finals through his Lutheran neighbour’s window last night. “Watching television? Oba, nay! And hockey yet!” […]

Unger Games

Oilers Blow 6 Goal Lead, Lose 8-7

May 7, 2017 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Up 7-1 after 2 periods the Edmonton Oilers did what everyone was expecting and blew their 6 goal lead to the Anaheim Ducks. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said longtime Oilers fan […]

The Daily Bonnet

60% of Manitobans Claim to be Cousins of Jonathan Toews

April 17, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A new poll shows that just over 60% of the Manitoba population claims to be related to NHL star Jonathan Toews. “When you’ve got someone as famous as Jonathan Toews, suddenly everyone and […]

Unger Suspicion

Gary Bettman Attempts to Move the Steinbach Pistons to Arizona

October 3, 2016 Andrew

GLENDALE, AZ Villainous NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has laid out plans to move every Manitoba Junior Hockey team, including the beloved Steinbach Pistons, to small towns throughout Arizona. “We’ve already ruined the NHL by placing […]

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