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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Preacher Encourages Young People to ‘Hover Hand’

August 15, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Reverend Toews of Vankla is praising his young people for maintaining the Mennonite tradition of not making any physical contact with the opposite sex. Recently, the phenomenon of the ‘hover hand’ was brought […]

The Daily Bonnet

Guide to Mennonite Dress Codes

November 1, 2017 Andrew

Oba, my name is Reverend Abram Lepp of the Halbstadt colony over by near Muntau and Hierschau. You know the place. I think we’re prob’ly second cousins on the Loewen side. Anyway, I’ve been seein’ just vay […]

Unger Suspicion

Gangs of Nudists Swarm Winkler

September 5, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Inspired by a recent high-profile nearly-nude shopping trip at the local 7-11, swarms of nudists have taken to the streets of Winkler to express their free-spirited ways. “For decades I thought Morden was […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Poses Topless on the Cover of ‘Manitoba Hog Farmers Weekly’

July 29, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Days after becoming the first Canadian Prime Minister to make the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, Justin Trudeau appeared with his shirt off on cover of Manitoba Hog Farmers Weekly. “I thought I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Exotic Dancer Thrills Audience by Removing Her Düak

July 10, 2017 Andrew

KRONSGARDEN, MB Local woman Mrs. A. Klippenstein, 22, stunned the attendees of a Jack and Jill wedding shower by standing in the middle of the living room and removing her düak. “I’ve heard these wedding showers can […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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