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modesty

Unger Suspicion

How to Totally Rock Your Mother’s Hand-Me-Down Bathing Suit This Summer!

June 20, 2019 Andrew

Your mother’s given you a lot of things: her smile, her hips, and probably some used clothes you just don’t know what the heck to do with. Well, don’t worry, ladies! There’s no reason to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Modestly Attired Mennonite Model Appears in ‘Sports Illustrated’ Swimsuit Edition

May 12, 2019 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY This past week Mrs. Janzen, 74, of Abbotsford made waves after becoming the first ever Mennonite woman to appear in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. “It was a nice shot of Mrs. Janzen sitting […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Approves ‘Scandalous’ New Hemline

November 15, 2018 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK More than thirty parishioners fainted at the Harder-Dyck wedding in Swift Current this past Sunday after the bride sported a wedding dress with an ‘outrageous’ hemline just above the ankles. “The elders […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Judges to Score Miss America Swimsuit Competition

September 1, 2018 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV For the first time since the pagent began almost 100 years ago, Miss America’s swimsuit competition will be judged exclusively by a panel of Mennonite church deacons. “Our criteria may be a little […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Publisher Releases Extra-Wide Bibles to Keep the Boys and Girls Farther Apart

August 16, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The Mennonite Bible Society of Indiana is excited to announce brand new extra-thick Bibles intended to provide extra distance between the boys and girls at summer camp, Sunday School, and other church functions. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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